Absent When Present.

This is how I look at relationships and how some people unrelate IN them: It’s one thing (a cruddy thing) to be absent when you’re absent, but it's still extremely hurtful and disrespectful to be absent when you’re present. This just spilled out of my mouth one day when Jim and I were talking about people in our lives and how they make us "feel". Because really, what impacts us so much in our relationships is how people make us feel.

If you're being honest....you've felt this, I'm sure! Maybe you’re talking with someone and they’re looking at you, but you can clearly tell that they are planning their next move or how to get to the person they really what to talk to. Shoot, maybe I’m boring, but then don’t waste my time with nonsense. With this being said, we should use these moments to learn what not to do in our conversations with others. When we communicate, conversations need to go back and fourth; we should never find ourselves bombarding the other person with every detail of our life or our troubles and not reciprocate and show interest or concern for what is going on in their life.

We have several people in our life that do this. They approach us or call us when they need something, to borrow something, to get something for free or just to hear themselves talk and vent I suppose. I love that people find me comforting or easy to talk AT or find some sort of something in what I say. But sometimes, I would like to be comforted. Sometimes I need to be comforted. I don't want any THING from anyone, but sometimes I'd like to know that I count, I'm loved, and someone has some kind of concern for me. When my emotional boat sinks, I'd like to know that someone other than my husband and parents are there to pull me ashore.

One time I had a friend tell me that they are sorry we haven't gotten together lately, but hey had been focusing on the people in their life that are basically misled. They were spending time just getting together on a small scale trying just to be an influence in their life to make a change in them. They feel comfortable drinking and bar hoping with them and just want to spend time in the trenches, hopefully making an impression. I say that's terrific that you're being a positive influence. But what about feeding your spirit with like minded people, as well. Feeding yourself with positive people so you can continue to work in the trenches. How about not making excuses of why you bar hop...if you want to bar hop than do it...I don't care...I won't judge you for it...but the logic is not logical. And what about the other people in your life, the other ones that maybe are doing well, but could use a positive word or conversation to keep them lifted, keep them feeling cherished, or just to have good clean fun with.

I sometimes feel like a dumping ground and when they're done dumping, they are done...PERIOD! I have had people stop me as my family and I are walking on to our next destination and eat up a 1/2 hour (or an hour) of my time with a conversation that has nothing to do with them, myself or anyone I know. Meanwhile my children and husband are in the car waiting to leave for lunch. When someone says they need to go now...let them - usually it's true! I can understand wanting to chit chat, but usually that means back and forth conversation - sometimes I feel like some people just want to hear THEMSELVES talk and if I happen to be the person in front of them, they don't mind unloading no matter what the circumstances are.

I think the worst is when they don't even pretend to make small talk before they ASK you for whatever they want.  They don't even pretend that they have been dying to talk to you, but just have been busy with life.  They just come up, straight forward, out of the blue and ask you (or call you to ask you) for SOMETHING; it may be a thing, information or for you to take on a ministry or to make a donation. At least pretend, while you're requesting of me, that I'm human and I'm here! Otherwise, text me...and I can just ignore you...because that's how you make me feel.

You know, if you're truly interested in friending someone and building a trusting relationship where you can have great, fun, meaningful moments, you should always be listening and learning more about that person and then be able to share openly about yourself. But when a conversation is one sided, the communication is cut off and you will only ever make it 1/2 way down one way of a two way street.

Take the cotton balls OUT of your ears and place them into your mouth once in awhile. (Get it, shut up once in awhile and try listening for a change). I'm sure I have been guilty of this many times - just know I strive NOT to be like this...and I'm a jabber jaw, so it's hard. Communication is a learned skill, and we all can improve our skills no matter what our age, profession, strengths or weaknesses.