Same old, same old starting to wear on my heart....

Just gonna keep my chin up!

So what's your ministry? I guess mine wasn't what I thought it was. Where are you focused? I'm guessing ministries can change over the years. I‘ve always struggled to find my gift and have never really been sold on what mine is said to be by others. Against my better judgment, I let my guard down and accepted what other‘s proclaimed my gift to be - I accepted it humbly with reservations though. I let myself be vulnerable and shared this "so called gift" with others, only to now find that I'm asking myself, "What was I thinking?"  All this time I thought I knew what my gift was, but now I feel a little embarrassed that I was wrong all along.

It's frustrating when you want to share your gift/ministry with others, but the opportunities are slim pickings!  I have to say, I'm feeling like I don’t fit in and maybe I'm just a joke, or maybe I just need a different venue. Either way, today has me feeling perplexed and wondering what the heck was I thinking by putting myself out there. I’m putting this in His hands, because if I think too hard on it, I may speak my “flesh” and not my heart and just give it up all together. That may be the solution He’s leading me towards, but I don‘t want to usher anything in that isn‘t his will. It’s too bad, because I love sharing a message, I’m just feeling hindered, stifled and like an awkward outsider that needs to be hidden away.

I wonder what will come of this - it’s hard to not give up when you feel invisible and defeated. So I’m casting my sadness and worries on the Lord, and will just go about my simpleminded business and see what comes of this. Thanks for listening to my 2 minute ramble…sometimes you just need to get “it” out. I’m gonna let it be, I’m gonna let it go, I’m gonna lay it down!